Sorry For the Wait

So its definately been a good little while since I have blogged. Its just getting a bit complicated with all the work that I have lately. In fact I am supposed to be finishing up a paper now as I'm typing this.

I know its been a while, but I've been pretty busy with midterms and all. Anywho, I think I have a crush on my best friend. Usually I would deny this, but I'm getting to the point in my life where I need to be true to myself. It all started after I told him what I did and he didn't run away, also he just was supportive through everything. So anyways I came to the conclusion about liking him because I decided not to date anyone...ANYONE and that's big for me. Then I won't even look at any other guys. One of my friends set me up on a blind date, and the guy was cute, smart, had a decent job and was looking to achieve more in his life. He was a bit too touchy feely but nothing else was wrong with him. I just wasn't feeling him. I don't know what it was about but I didn't want him to kiss me or even half be near me. Another one of my friends tried to set me up with a teacher, I wasn't feeling him either. So I'm just gonna lay low for a while to decide if I should or shouldn't persue this friendship into a potential relationship.

In a bit of a rut

So I don't know why I've been in a little funk lately, but I just can't seem to shake it. It started about two Thursdays ago and has been going down ever since. Even a mini-makeover and my crazy fun-loving roommates can't get me out of this. I know that call that first Thursday got me kinda shaken, and the one I had to make on Monday got me even deeper. But from there I managed to stay afloat. Then the Crazy Frat definitely kept pulling my mood down by constantly riding my back. But now that he's gone my mood has improved drastically. But because of him I can't give The Teacher the attention that I would like. Then my mom wasn't feeling well and The Sisters made it seem as if she were on her deathbed and so I rushed home to see her. Fortunately she wasn't dying but she wasn't getting better. So I've been worried about her too.

But clearly I need to let that baggage go because this rut has effected my day. I didn't go to class or either of my jobs...but I did manage to blog about my problem and showcase my mini makeover to .2 percent of the campus. Well I'm about to find something fun and maybe constructive to do before the day is over, to make it seem like I really did something of importance.

Had to get this off my chest

So I really don't know what to blog about, but I guess I'll just start by writing about somethings that I've been going through.
First off you must know that I have 3 best friends, 2 girls and a guy. Recently I had to tell my guy bff one of the hardest things in the world. Its too crazy to type but just think of the worst thing possible and then times it by a hundred. I was stressing about it for about 5 days, contemplating whether or not to tell him, how to do it.
I was litterallly a nutcase because of course I was so afraid of his reaction. Would he be mad, sad, would he end our friendship? Finally I told him, and thank God, I was so happy that he didn't overreact (though he was kinda shocked and disappointed) but in the end I felt relief that I had finally told him.
Its still hard to face the fact that I've hurt him though he won't admit it. He has reassured me countless times that we are still friends and will continue to be friends. Even though I believe him, its hard to trust the fact that he's okay with what happened. But who knows, tomorrow could bring totally new things.

Untitled- A short story I wrote randomly

Today was the first day that I was truly able to breathe without crying. Your absence no longer makes me blue. Though...it still feels weird. I’m getting used to the silence, it no longer makes me afraid. When I wake I don’t hear your light snore, or feel your fingertips along my back, or smell your morning breath.
It’s much easier to get out of bed and look into the mirror. Today, though I couldn’t see your reflection, it was a lot better than seeing my tear-stained eyes. They’ve cried many for many nights hoping that it will somehow mend my broken heart. I’m glad that its almost done healing now.
Since I’m in the process of moving on, I had to get rid of somethings. I looked around my bedroom and saw some of the things you left behind. An old watch that probably doesn’t work anymore, a few ties, and a pair of shoes. There are some shirts hanging in the closet and a few pair of socks in the drawers. Things that I wouldn’t let go of because I was praying that you’d finally come back. I’ve begged even, but I can’t anymore. I won’t allow myself.
I found a cardboard box in the garage to pile the stuff in. As I was walking back down the hallway I looked at the pictures that aligned the walls. Many of them are of you and I, memories that are lost, yet irreplaceable. As I grabbed a few of them to place in the box, something stopped me. I didn’t want to forget you, only move on from the hurt and pain. Its much easier said than done, you’ve been gone almost three months and this is the first time I can look at these pictures and not cry. But God has told me time and time again that I will be okay if I move forward with my life. I decided to finally listen to Him today.
I left the pictures on the wall and walked back into the bedroom. I placed the items in the box and moved along to the bathroom. I know that I can’t use your razors and I hate the smell of your aftershave. That goes in the box, along with your toothbrush. ( I can’t believe I’ve kept it this long.) Most of your other belongings are long gone. It was just a matter of time before the others followed. It was silly of me to hold on to those pieces of you thinking that they would bring you back. And the tears, they can’t bring you back either. My new tears forming now, aren’t out of sadness. I am proud that I can say that truthfully now.
As I walk outside to place the box on the curb, the sunlight warmed my face. It felt like a greeting from God saying "Welcome back!" I’m not sure why today chose to be different from these last 90, I guess 91 was my cut-off. But just because I’m moving on doesn’t mean I won’t miss you or ever think of you again. I will always miss you, but I will love you even more.
Rest in Peace, My Love